A was really boring. Fishing and sports was all he cared about. I was very young and knew nothing, so I thought that it was fine if I was bored or depressed or waiting on the beach all the time. It wasn’t particularly nice in winter. I remember that I used to spend a lot of time reading. I never complained or went mad, I was really small. I guess that if you ask him, he’d say I’m the most frigid and passionless cow he’s ever dated.
B wanted me but I didn’t want him. He kept following me while I was at the library or at University. He stole one of my leather gloves once. He used to call me in the middle of the night to insult me. I often went mad. I bet that if you ask him, he’d say I’m a fucking cunt.
One day, I simply stopped calling C. He hadn’t heard from me for two months, when I turned up at his workplace. Pretended nothing had happened. And then, I woke up one morning and simply went away. That was pretty much the last time I saw him. That year, my mother had died and I used to listen a lot to my inner voice. I’m sure that if you ask him, he’d say I am silent as a tombstone.
D told me once: “I’m sorry, my girlfriend has just turned up. Could you please go as soon as you can?”. I remember driving for almost 100 miles, that night. It took me 50 minutes. Later and for years, I couldn’t even stand her being mentioned. That was probably one of the most painful things that has ever happened to me. I’m certain that if you ask him, he’d say I’m the most jealous person he’s ever seen.
E really made me happy. I’ve never laughed so much. We were like Adam and Eve, or small children giving names to things for the first time. Full of defiance. Throwing coriandoli. Owners of infinite space. I guess that if you ask him, he’d say “I hope she’s happy”.
F was no serious matter. I thought I could use him so I would stop thinking of G, but it didn’t work because I loved G too much. If you ask F, he’d probably say I’m a deadcat. If you ask me, I played with him like a cat with a mouse.
Being with H was like adopting him. But don’t tell this to him or he’ll be mad at me.
J broke my heart. I was pretty convinced that, were it not for some strange power that possessed me, I could have killed him. I destroyed all I had, lost 18 pounds and quit my job. I’m pretty sure that if you ask him, he’d shudder and tell you I’m a bloody nutcase.
K and I were so full of mutual care and attention that we stayed together mostly out of politeness. If you ask him he’d say I’m one of the best persons he knows.
I used to like L a lot, but stopped seeing him when I caught chickenpox from my little brother. When I felt better, it was too late. If you ask him, he’d say “Daniela who?”.
And so on…
I know lots of alphabets and languages and stories and like telling them all inaccurate and messed up and tangled. And now, all I can do is give away this ball of yarn, so you won’t be surprised. Hoping you’ll keep me in your hand, like the most precious gift I have for you.