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Labour pains

Creation: perception > process > production > observation of own production > satisfaction.

Yeah, fine! But what happens when you get better and better at the perceiving and processing stages, but your production capability is lagging behind? What if you’re tired of your instruments or quality levels and find yourself at a stop? I’ve been stumbling for months on the same, fucking rock.

Started a project. Stopped because was unable to match what’s in my mind with what I’m able to do. Stopped starting projects. Tried to go back to what I did before. Was overcome by nausea. Tried to change subjects but could only find stale, commonplace stuff (does the world really need any more pictures of flowers, dogs, cats, naked branches…?). Tried studying to improve my technique. Things grew worse. Searched for inspiration all around me. Tried to relax and go with the flow. Grew restless. Tried to work more so at least I’d feel less guilty in spending more for gear. Got stressed by overworking.

And in the meantime, all this spring slumber keeps bringing me dreams of being pregnant and in labour pains.


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