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To forgive


(Works like “to give”.) To conclude resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offence, difference or mistake, or to cease to demand punishment or restitution.


Notes for me: It’s a process. Similar to the one of forgiving yourself that took you more than a year to learn. And no, it doesn’t mean to forget. And yes, I know I suck at this. Then it must mean that I’m resentful.

Resentful = never forgets an offence.

I take the first offence and then I pile all the other offences that resemble it right on top, so when the last one comes I’ve already turned into a gorgon. Let’s write down some formulas.


To forgive means to cease to blame. Cease. To. Blame. It seemed wise at some point to spend most of the time monitoring signs, or ruminating the same story over and over again, for years. “Do you know what they did to me? One day, X didn’t say hi; and Y betrayed me; and Z lied to me; and A ignored me; and B abused me verbally; and C seduced the man I loved”. A poor victim. It has helped me to get rid of those people who imposed on me. It has given me freedom from excessive empathy. But not anymore.

Why isn’t a simple decision enough?! It’s nice to watch stories about answering hatred with love, but when that very thing is demanded of you. Woohoo. Is a decision enough? I”ll sit here and try to see from the eyes of those who did me wrong. To understand why they did it, and bless them for it, and thank them because they helped me grow. This growth is completely theoretical and potential, right now, because I actually feel all powerless and vulnerable. I’m so small, I could jump into a shirt pocket or hide into a shoe. Everything I say sounds wrong and it’s really easy to break me. It’s like Indiana Jones’ leap of faith. I’ll look for one of Alice’s EAT ME cakes and you see then!

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” – Lewis B. Smedes

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